Love Dare Class Review

Last night was our second Love Dare Class. We had a few new faces and I am happy to report that I was able to get my dear friends to come who were recently engaged. Our class is a great mix of couples. From couples who have been married 37yrs, 21 yrs, 10 or less years, 5 or less years and those who will soon be married. Last night was a GREAT class!

We focused on what is out there that causes problems in our marriages/relationships. Comparing a house in flames to a marriage that is having problems.

When your marriage is having problems, it can be like a house that is burning to the ground. If you don't step in to save it, it will burn to the ground and there will be nothing left to salvage.

We also discussed what things in life cause problems in marriages today. We decided to call these such things "Fire Hazards". We had a VERY animated discussion about these! Here are the "Fire Hazards" we discussed. Do you have any to add?

**Internet/Media There is so much temptation on the internet and in the media. There are so many ways the interent causes trouble in relationships. (Spouses spending too much time online, ability to meet others that could cause harm in your marriage i.e. affairs, pornography, ect.)
**Ex-Spouses Esp when having to deal with the ex spouse whom your current spouse has children with.
**In-Laws (Joe was quick to hush up on this subject! LOL)
**Other Relationships (friends, other family)
**Money
**Children Different views on raising your children. I also shared how because of my complications during pregnancy with the twins and having preemies that were hospitalized changed my relationship with Joe in a negative way. We each dealt with those things separately and alone instead of together. Although at the time we were too overwhelmed and focused on the pregnancy and babies we didn't see the negative impact until later.
**Work
**Communication Or lack thereof.
**Recreation


Next we discussed how some of these same "Fire Hazards" can be positive in our marriage.

*Children
*Communication
*Recreation We have a couple who have shown classic cars together as a family for over 15 years. My parents take fishing trips together.
*In Laws (Way to earn points with this one Joe!)
*Friendships and Family

What are the positive and negative influences in your marriage/relationship?

FIREPROOF CLIP TIME!



What do you notice in this clip? Katherine's friends are all being negative about her marriage. Leave, divorce, get out, it's not worth it. Calob's friend Michael however, is being positive and encouraging him to fix is marriage. Although comical in some regards, look at the differences in their friends' views on the marriage. How easy to say to get out when the going gets tough. In marriage we vow for better and worse. After this clip, Calob calls his father frustrated that the love dare isn't working. His father tells him that "Love Dare takes 40 days not 4. You can't give up. You can't just do the motions without your heart in it. You have to commit to fixing your marriage". How true is this in life?

How gorgeous is a red rose. A loving, well-cared for marriage is just as beautiful.

However, if we don't nurture and care for our marriage; like a rose it will wilt.


Which rose is most like your marriage today? What areas do you need to focus on to bring happiness and joy into your marriage? Are your friends champions who will support and encourage your marriage?

The devil is always there to throw temptation into our marriage. Satan WANTS to see our marriage fail. However, GOD promises us that if we trust in him, Satan will never be able to give us more temptation than we can handle. GOD will always offer us a way out of the temptation.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
—1 Corinthians 10:13
God knew that we would be tempted so he gave us the ability to say no, to find escape. Our God is such a GREAT God!

This week we will continue on our Love Dare Challenge/Journal with days 6-10.



DAY 6

LOVE IS NOT IRRITABLE

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Proverbs 16:32

Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? Some people have the motto, “Never pass up an opportunity to get upset with your spouse.” When something goes wrong, they quickly take full advantage of it by expressing how hurt or frustrated they are. But this is the opposite reaction to love.

To be irritable means “to be near the point of a knife.” Not far from being poked. People are irritated are locked, loaded, and ready to overact.

When under pressure, love doesn’t turn sour. Minor problems don’t yield major reactions. The truth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. A loving husband will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and restraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercise emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.

If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk. Ask yourself, “Am I a calming breeze, or a storm waiting to happen?”

Why do people become irritable? There are at least two key reasons that contribute to it:

Stress. Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky. It can be brought on by the relational causes: arguing, division, and the bitterness. There are excessive causes: overworking, overplaying, and overspending. And there are deficiencies: not get enough rest, nutrition, or exercise. Oftentimes we inflict these daggers on ourselves, and this sets us up to be irritable.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. This means you must balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full steam ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, and ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and our relationship.

The Bible can help you avoid unhealthy stress. It teaches you to let love guide your relationships to so you aren’t caught up in unnecessary arguments (Colossians 3:12-14). To pray through your anxieties instead of tackling them on your own (Philippians 4:6-7). To delegate when you are overworked (Exodus 18:17-23). To avoid overindulgence (Proverbs 23:16)

It also exhorts you to take a “Sabbath” vacation day every week for worship and rest. This strategically allows you time to recharge, refocus, and add breathing room or margin to your weekly schedule. Establishing these kinds of extra spaces will place cushions between you and the pressures around you, reducing stress that keeps you on edge around your mate. But there is a deeper reason why you can become irritable –

Selfishness. When you’re irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them, they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches: when the pressure is on, the result is still sweet.

Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule. But selfishness also wears many other masks:

Lust, for example, is the result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forbidden. When your heart is lustful, it will become easily frustrated and angered (James 4:1-3). Bitterness takes root when he is provoked (Ephesians 4:31). Greed for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires (1 Timothy 6:9-10). These strong cravings coupled with dissatisfaction lead you to lash out at anyone who stands in your way. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.

These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It loosens your grasp and helps you let go of unnecessary things.

Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when someone else succeeds rather than lying wake at night in envy. Love says “share the inheritance” rather than “fight with your relatives.” It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.

TODAY'S DARE

CHOOSE TODAY TO REACT TO TOUGH CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVING WAYS INSTEAD OF WITH IRRITATION. BEGIN BY MAKING A LIST OF AREAS WHERE YOU NEED TO ADD MARGIN TO YOUR SCHEDULE. THEN LIST ANY WRONG MOTIVATIONS THAT YOU NEED TO RELEASE FROM YOU LIFE.

(In your Love Dare Journal or a notebook) Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have you made today?

I always do my best to have a clear conscience towards God and men. -Acts 24:16