In Memory Of Baileigh Nicole

March 19, 2006

It's Saturday morning at 6 am. Joe and I receive a call from one of Joe's sisters that Baileigh was admitted to Kosair Hospital due to swelling of the brain. The outlook was grim so they were calling in all the family members. Joe and I immediately headed to Kosair.

Baileigh was the 3 1/2 month old infant daughter of Joe's niece Kristen. Kristen had been around us since Joe and I first started dating. I honestly adored Kristen and loved the connection that we shared. I was honored to be there for her during her pregnancy and beyond. Baileigh was born with complications and was a sweet, very tiny little girl. She was a joy, just like her mommy.

Upon arrival we were in the waiting room with the family and the baby's father's (his name is Will) family as well. It was then that we learned that Baby Baileigh's situation was due to being severly shaken by her father when he was home alone with her for only 7 minutes the previous evening. Kristen was working and Will's mother had left him and the baby to go pick up her other son at 5:15pm on Friday evening. At 5:18 Kristen phoned Will on her lunch break at work to check on Baileigh. They hung up at 5:20. Will apparently injured Baileigh at 5:22-23pm. He called a neighbor that was an EMT at 5:24pm that the baby was unresponsive. The EMT rushed over and performed CPR and Baileigh was taken to Suburban then transported to Kosair. Baileigh sustained lots of bruising, a broken clavical bone, and a swollen brain. Will was arrested and and was facing charges of wanted endangerment and assault at the time of his arrest.

Joe and I spent the entire morning with both families at the hospital. I mainly stayed back in PICU with Kristin, her mother and the baby. Words could never express the pain of seeing this beautiful baby hooked to so many wires and tubes and breathing so roughly and by machine only. Kristen was going through so many emotions and feelings of helplessness for her child. I tried to be there for all of them in any way I could. When Kristen had to step away, she depended on me to hold Baileigh's small hand and talk to her so that she did not feel alone even for a moment. I did so willingly. I prayed harder than ever before while holding her tiny little hand.

At the young age of 19, Kristin made the mature and most painful decision for a mother. She summoned for the doctor and in a private room with only her, the doctor and her mother she asked the doctor what Baileigh's chances were. She then returned to the baby's side after 20 minutes and asked me to accompany her to the waiting room where the families were all joined together. I did so and while holding my hand she told everyone that she had spoken with the doctors and that her daughter had no chance of surviving the entire day. Therefore, she was taking her off the respirator and all other machines and that she wanted all the family who could to come back and surround her and her baby during her final moments on this earth. She told us that she could not watch her baby suffer any longer and that if there been even a glimpse of hope she would have given that to her baby, but there was no glimpse. She told us that her baby did not deserve any of this and it would not be right to drag on the pain any longer. I was in awe of Kristen's strength, maturity, and love for her baby.

At the time I was not yet a mother and her courage and wisdom and love for her child left me in awe. Today, as a mother of 3, I can't imagine having the courage she had. I don't understand how she endured.

The staff cleared out a large area and drew the curtains for our privacy. They moved a couch in for Kristin to sit on and hold her baby girl. They dressed her all in pink and put a pink bow in her hair after letting Kristen give her one last bath. At noon the rest of the family members came back and as Kristen held her baby girl the machines were turned off. Kristen's cousin Sarah read scripture after the chaplin prayed. Baileigh was pronouned at 12:20pm. At that moment, Baileigh's father's charges were increased to murder.

I had never been through an ordeal such as this. It was so painful and emotional that words don't do it justice. Never before had I watched a child, a baby, leave this earth. The only comfort I had was knowing that this precious baby was now in God's loving hands and that HE too lost a child and HE was hurting for all of us as well. Even so, I could not grasp the tragedy of how Bailey had to die. I was angry and hurting and confused. And I was just an aunt. My heart was broken especially for Kristen. I could never imagine how Kristen could handle this nor her mother, father and brother. Kristen lived at home so they were all close to the baby as well. It was equally as hard on Will's family who knew that their family member was the cause of this horrible loss. Both families were supportive and there for Kristen and the rest of our family.

Once Baileigh had passed on, Kristen was allowing her parents to hold Baileigh one last time. I noticed that Kristen headed out the PICU at this time. I followed her on intuition. I found her in the bathroom, crying and shouting and yelling "WHY!". She was throwing the garbage can and immense sobs were leaving her body. I grabbed her and held her as hard as I could as we collapsed in sobs on the floor. Life never felt so unjust and and unfair.

We continued to support Kristen and stayed by her side non stop during the services for Baileigh. It was painstakingly sad. One should never have to endure it.
I do know though that Baleigh is happy and smiling again in heaven. God had a plan for her life even if it is as horrific as this. Her tiny, but amazing few months changed her world and the world of the people around her forever. She was her mommy's everything.

Sadly, we lost Kristen and her unborn son on September 17, 2008. It was an accidental, tragic death. She left behind her fiance' Mike and their son Brenden who was only 16 months old at the time. Our lives were touched immensely by Kristen and her gorgeous smile. She was one of the most special and kind people I have ever known and I will miss her always. It is a comfort to be around Brenden and see how much he is like is mommy. I am so sad he has to miss out on her...words could never truly show him how wonderful of a woman and mother she was.



Here are a few comments from Kristen, family and friends on a memorial site for Baileigh.

Baileigh,
Even in the short time that you were here with us, you made such a huge impact on the world around you. You brought a smile to my face everytime I looked at you. You were my reason for getting up in the morning, and I am truly honored that I was able to have you as long as I did and for you to know me as your Mommy. I love you so much and not a day goes by when I dont think about you and wish you were still here with me. You were my little angel and always will be. It's just such a shame that you were taken away from us at such a young age, because you had so much potential to be a wonderful human being and achieve things that I had not yet achieved. I was so proud of you even though you had not yet had time to accomplish anything major. Just being born was enough to make me the happiest person in the world. I'm just so glad that I got to hold you and to be with you for those 3 1/2 months. You will always be in my heart and I will remember you always. I love you little Pumpkin Head!-Mommy

Sweet Baileigh, you are greatly missed but will never be forgotten. Our Bunco's will never be the same without our little good luck charm for everyone to love on.
You will always be safe in god's arms!
We love and miss you!!!
Love,
LaDonna

Baileigh,
I was starting to feel like an old man before you came into our lives and I wasn't sure if the old man in me still was in touch with those feelings that you feel with a new baby around. However, you quickly made me see that those feelings were still there and made me feel young again with your sweet, little smile. We were just starting to become buddies when you were taken away from us and I have a huge hole in my heart that will take forever to fill. My proudest moments were when you were looking up at your momma with all of that love and trust in your eyes, and the love that she had in hers for you. It was then that I realized I had accomplished what I wanted most in my life - I had raised a very loving and nuturing daughter who had turned into an excellent mother.
You will be missed forever and loved for even longer. I think of you everytime I look at our kitchen table (your favorite place) and it's missing the most beautiful centerpiece it ever had. Your with God and your great grandma now and know without a doubt you are feeling loved and that helps, but I look forward to the day when I can hold my little pumpkinhead again. I will be thinking of you often till then.
Love, Grandpa (Kristen's father)

Yesterday was so hard. You would have been 6 months old and I felt so cheated. I could barely go 10 minutes without crying. I wish so bad that I could hold you in my arms or just even see you smile once more. I remember when you would just lay there on the kitchen table and kick and smile at me when I made faces at you. I wish that I could have seen this coming so I could have put a stop to it before something like this happened. I cant believe anyone could do that to an innocent, beautiful little baby girl, especially their own flesh and blood. I dont know how he sleeps at night knowing that he did this to you. My little angel, I miss you more that you know and no one could ever replace you in my heart. I love you. -Mommy

Baileigh,
Its been a while since I have been able to write in here. I've been going through a lot of emotional issues lately. A lot dealing with your new sibling. That's right, whether I like it or not, you are going to be a big sister. You are going to have a little brother soon, around the end of may or early june. I cant believe that its almost been a year since you were taken from us. I know that you would have been an awesome big sister. I just hope Brenden has a better daddy than you did. That was not fair that you didnt have a choice who your daddy was. I'm so sorry that had to happen to you to make me realize the kind of person he could be. I wish I could have been there that day to protect you, but believe me, it will not happen to me or any of my other children again. I know the signs now and I know the personality to look for and I promise you that your death is not in vain. He will get what he deserves, whether it is here on earth or when God judges him. I hope God can forgive him one day, because I dont think I ever could. I'll never get to see you walk or talk or even hold your head up for more than a few seconds. But at least I got to be blessed enough to see you smile, it still lights up my world to this day just thinking about it. Can you believe that you would already be 15 months. God the things you would be doing! Probably walking by now and if I'm lucky breaking things and wrecking havoc all throughout the house! I would give anything to hear you laugh again, or even scream and cry again for that matter. I'm so glad that I got all those pictures of you and that my maternity leave was so generous. I dont know what I would have done otherwise. I know that you are well taken care of right now, better than I could have ever imagined taking care of you, and that is the one and only thing that gets me through the day. I love you very much, more than I could ever try to put on paper. I miss you everyday. And dont you dare think that Brenden is more important or will ever replace you in my heart or mind. You will always be my first and I will always love you. I'll try to write more often from here on out.

Love you,
Mommy

Baileigh,
Today is the 1 year anniversary of the day you died and I dont know what to do. I dont know whether to cry all day or try not to think about it. There's not much avoiding it now that it's here. All I can do is deal with it the best way I can. I'm trying to be strong for you and your brother but I dont know how much longer I can stand not holding you or seeing you smile. The only thing that gets me through my days is knowing in my heart that no one can ever hurt you again. I have so much that I'm going to miss with you that I was looking so forward to experiencing with you. I wish I could have seen this coming so that you didnt have to suffer for my mistakes. I'm sorry I couldnt protect you like a mother should protect her child but believe me I know the signs now. I pray that Brenden has a better daddy than you did, one who loves him and wants to give him the world. I believe I have found the right person now. I'm just sorry that you couldnt have met him. And you know that he even claims you as him own, even though he has never seen you! And all of this could have been avoided if I had never played hard to get with him because I met him when me and your daddy had broken up when you were still in mommy's belly. He wanted to be with me then, but I was running from everything then so I ignored it and got back with your daddy. Well, I guess I cant change anything so no use talking about it. I love you little pumpkin head and I think about you everyday.
Love mommy

Dearest Baileigh and Mom:
Just to leave you a little message to pay respects to Baileigh's angel day.
I pray for you both. I know Baileigh is in heaven, it is those of us left on earth that suffer. Baileigh's life, however long, shows us the beauty of God and how he loves us. You will be together again.

Baileigh,
I just wanted you to know that i think about you more now than ever. I know if you were here that you would be an awesome big sister to your new brother. He did arrive on 5-24-2007 and weighed in at 7-12, almost double your size! But he was sadly only an inch taller than you, even though you were 3 weeks earlier than him. He's bigger now though I'm happy to say. He is exactly 2 weeks old today, and today is the last pre-trial for your daddy (it chills me to say that word when talking about him). I know that you will watch over him and be his guardian angel and never let anything bad ever happen to him. Oh, and for some good news for mommy for a change, i got engaged to a guy that you sadly never got to meet. He almost took the place of your daddy a while ago, when you were in my belly, but I guess that I wanted to try and selfishly make a family since I was pregnant with you. I guess you cant always have what you want. Anyway, the wedding is next August 16th. I'm really happy that I found someone that I can trust to leave my children with. That's the most important thing to me now, even though normally the most important thing is to be in love. I think that is something that comes over time. I do love him but I wanted to make sure that I could trust him around Brenden (your brother) before I could make that committment fully. Now that I know that I can, I think that I'm ready to take that step. I'll try to write to you more often but my life is so crazy now that I hardly have time for myself anymore. I love you and miss you everyday.

Hi Baileigh. I just wanted to say that I miss you and love you very much. My 21st birthday is today and it just doesnt seem right without you. Your little brother is getting bigger and bigger everyday and I cannot wait until he is old enough that I can tell him about you. I hope he turns out half as good of a baby as you were. I know you would have been such a big helper with him and an awesome big sister. I think about your reaction to him everyday and it hurts me so bad that he can never meet you. You two would have been best friends, I just know it! Well, Ill write to you a little later but never forget, you are mommys #1 and I love you very much.

Dear Baileigh:
I think of you often and remember your precious life, and understand you now have a little brother, how wonderful. You can protect him and guide him as he grows.
Please stay close to Mom also, as you will always be her #1. No one will ever take your place in her heart.
With love,
Linda Elliott

Hey Baileigh. Today was both a sad and happy day at the same time. Your daddy was sentenced today at 8:30am. He was sentenced to 20 years for manslaughter in the first degree and 5 years for wanton endangerment in the first degree. He fortunatly has to serve 85% of his sentence (17 years) before he is eligible for parole. The judge seemed really sympathetic and thought that the sentence was fair and just. I of course thought that it was too short. The way I see it is he took your whole life away and all he gets is 25 years of his locked away. He at least gets to live. I guess its the best justice he could get since he claims that he didnt do it on purpose. I believe otherwise. But my opinion means nothing now so it is what it is. I just feel relieved that he is going away for a long time and now only God can judge him. I really hope he does what the judge told him when she said that he should make the most of his time there and try to not be a blemish on society when he is released. I hope Brenden learns a lot from you and learns how to better a good man and a better person from all of this heartache. Maybe somthing positive can come from this afterall. I sometimes wish that his daddy was your daddy. I keep wondering if I had said yes to him the first time he asked me out that you would still be here. You know you would almost be 23 months now. A big girl! Maybe even potty-trained. I keep thinking and wondering what you would be like and look like. Im sure you would be beautiful like you were when you were little. Your brother would probably still outweigh you though! He's about 17-18 pounds now! Compared to you when you were just about his age you were only 9-10 pounds! Well, enough about that. I just wanted you to know how much I love you and that I miss you everyday. I look forward to the day that I can see you again and hold you.
Kisses and hugs (lots of them)!
Mommy

Baileigh, it's been almost three years since we lost you and still my heart aches. It hurt so badly to lose you that I couldn't bear to write this any sooner. Now, your Momma is with you in heaven and I know she's so happy to be with you again. You came and changed our lives so much in the short time you were with us. I was so lost and lonely and you brought a ray of sunshine into our house. You brought me back to life and turned your Mommy into a woman. Not bad feats for someone so small.
There's so many things I had planned for us to do together. So many "firsts" I wanted to share with your Mommy that you didn't get to do. We were fortunate enough to get to see your first smile and it was like looking into the face of an angel. I'll never forget how it lit up the whole world. I love sweet Baileigh and I always will. (Kristen's Mom, My sis in law)

Dearest Baileigh:
Tonight when I went into another website I found the news that your mother has now joined you in heaven. Dear God, I cannot make sense of my feelings about this.
I am so happy that she is with you again and at peace but I feel so terrible about your family and little brother. Please forgive me for going on like this, it is just such a shock.
I pray that you and Mom will stay in each other's arms always and that you will let your family know how much you love them.
God bless you and Mom.
With sorrow,
Linda Elliott
3/7/09

IN LOVING MEMORY OF A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL, BAILEIGH NICOLE, WHO IS AGAIN IN THE ARMS OF HER LOVING MONTHER, KRISTEN MICHELLE.

AFTER BAILEIGH WAS BORN



LITTLE DID KRISTEN KNOW IT WAS 2 DAYS BEFORE BAILEIGH PASSED AWAY WHEN SHE HAD THESE PICTURES TAKEN



MOMMY'S LITTLE ANGEL





DAY 18

Love Seeks to Understand

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. – Proverbs 3:13

We enjoy discovering as much as we can about the things we truly care about. If it’s our favorite football team, we’ll read any article that helps us keep up with how they’re doing. If it’s cooking, we’ll tune to those channels that share the best grilling techniques or dessert recipes. If there’s a subject that appeals to us, we’ll take notice any time it comes up. In fact, it’s often like an area of personal study.

It’s fine, of course, to have outside interests and to be knowledgeable about certain things. But this is where love would ask the question, “How much do you know about our mate?

Think back to the days when you were courting. Didn’t you study the one your heart was yearning for?

When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. The mystery and challenge of knowing her seems less intriguing, and he finds his interests drifting to other areas.

This is also true in many cases for women, who start off admiring and building respect for the man they desire to be with. But after marriage, those feelings begin to fade as reality reveals that her “prince” is a flawed and imperfect man.

Yet there are still hidden things to discover about your spouse. And this understanding will help draw you closer together. It can even give you favor in the eyes of your mate. “Good understanding produces favor” (Proverbs 13:15).

Consider the following perspective: if the amount you studied your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a “college degree,” a “master’s degree,” and ultimately a “doctorate degree.” Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart ever closer to your mate.


· Do you know his or her greatest hopes and dreams?
· Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?
· Do you know what your spouse’s greatest fears are and why they struggle with them?

Some of the problems you have in relating to your spouse are simply because you don’t understand them. They probably react very differently to certain situations than you do, and you can’t figure out why?

These differences – even the ones that are relatively insignificant – can be the cause of many fights and conflicts in your marriage. That’s because, as the Bible says, we tend to “revile” those things we don’t understand (Jude 10).

There are reasons for his or her tastes and preferences. Each nuance in your spouse’s character has a back story. Each element of who he is, how he thinks, and what he’s like is couched in a set of guiding principles, which often makes sense only to the person who holds them. But it’s worth the time it will take to study why they are the way they are.

If you missed the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart again is by making a commitment to know them. Study them. Read them like a book you’re trying to understand.

Ask questions. The Bible says, “The ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (Proverbs 18:15). Love takes the initiative to begin conversations. In order to get your mate to open up, they need to know that your desire for understanding them is real and genuine.

Listen. “Wise men store up knowledge, but with the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand” (Proverbs 10:14). The goal of understanding your mate is to hear them, not to tell them what you think. Even if your spouse is not very talkative, love calls you to draw out the “deep water” that dwells within them (Proverbs 20:5).

Ask God for discernment. “The Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6). Things like gender differences, family backgrounds, and varied life experiences can cloud your ability to know your mate’s heart and motivations. But God is a giver of wisdom. The Lord will show you what you need in order to know how to love your spouse better.

“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3-4). There is a depth of beauty and meaning inside your wife or husband that will amaze you as you discover more of it. Enter the mystery with expectation and enthusiasm. Desire to know this person even better than you do now. Make him or her your chosen field of study, and you will fill your home with the kind of riches only love can provide.

TODAY'S DARE

PREPARE A SPECIAL DINNER AT HOME, JUST FOR THE TWO OF YOU. THE DINNER CAN BE AS NICE AS YOU PREFER. FOCUS THIS TIME ON GETTING TO KNOW YOUR SPOUSE BETTER, PERHAPS IN AREAS YOU'VE RARELY TALKED ABOUT. DETERMINE TO MAKE IT AN ENJOYABLE EVENING FOR YOU AND YOUR MATE.

(In your Love Dare Journal or a notebook)
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?


Acquire wisdom; and with all your acquiring, get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7)