FINDING PEACE IN GOODBYE...A TRIBUTE

As most of you know, I typically do "5 FAVORITES ON FRIDAY" today.  Given the events of this week I am putting that on hold until next week.  There was something much more important that I was wanting to blog about today.  It's taken me several days to do this and I hope my words come across the way I want and I hope they bring comfort to those who need it most.  I wanted to do a tribute/memorial to a dear friend who had a very tragic loss over the last week.

Michelle, Chelle as I call her, and I have known each other over 8 years now.  We met at Consultants In Blood Disorders and Cancer, where we both worked as medical assistants in 2004. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding.  When I changed jobs, I took her with me. Although we don't see each other as often as we would like, I consider her a wonderful friend.  

 

Michelle and I on my wedding day 2005

  Chelle with her son, Noah, and hubby, Denney

This week Chelle suffered a very tragic loss. She lost her older brother, her best friend.  He took his own life on Easter morning.

John Coyle, aka "Bubby", was a son, brother, father, husband and friend. He was also a soldier.  He fought in  the war in Iraq where he was wounded.  Because of his sacrifice for our country he was a recipient of the purple heart.

Sadly, like many other soldiers, the war changed him.  Having fought in a war changes a person in ways we as civilians will never understand or relate.  They witness things we could never comprehend.  

"Bubby" has so many friends and family; including a wife and 2 children. Even so, it wasn't enough to heal the scars and rid him of the demons that haunted him from his time in Iraq.

It saddens me and angers me that our military are trained and prepared for years in order to fight in wars yet they aren't given the proper care and treatment when they are back home.  The suicide rate in our military is too high.  Since the start of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, more than 1,100 soldiers have taken their own lives, with the numbers escalating each year for the last six years. Last year alone, 301 soldiers committed suicide -- a new record.  An average of 18 veterans commits suicide every day according to recent statics. Not to mention, 300,000 of the U.S. military veterans coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In 2010, more than 134,000 people made calls to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Of those callers, 61 percent identified themselves as veterans.

I will never understand why our government will not offer better care and post war treatment for our soldiers. They risk their lives for OUR freedom and for the freedom of our entire country.  They sacrifice EVERYTHING!  They leave their families for months at a time, sometimes years. They look death in the face daily. They do this for US...each and every US citizen. Why then, do we not do EVERY THING WE CAN as a nation to HELP THEM??!!  Why are they left to deal with demons on their own?  Why are they left feeling like suicide is their only option?????? I just don't understand??!! As a wife of a soldier, this is incomprehensible to me!!!!  SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!!!!!  This CAN NOT continue!  Every year the suicide rate climbs.  Every year more and more military veterans are left with nothing.  How is it that athletes make millions and have it all yet those who SACRIFICE THEIR LIVES FOR OUR COUNTRY have nothing? It makes no sense to me and it angers me more than I can even say.  We are a nation must make a stand for our veterans and our active duty military.  We owe them EVERYTHING!

I have no doubt that John Coyle loved his family and loved his friends.  Though I didn't know him personally, the 100s of people who showed up to say good-bye and to pay their respects speaks volumes about the type of person he was.  

I have no doubt that him deciding to leave this world did not mean he didn't love his family and friends.  I believe his demons were stronger than he could bare and that he felt suicide was his only way out. His only escape from the demons that haunt him. I am sure he saw no other way.  I have spoken to a friend who once tried to end her life.  She said that possibly in his mind, he thought his loved ones were better off without him.  That is wrong but maybe not to him. If he did feel that way, sadly, that was where he was most mistaken.  I wish somehow he could have known how this has affected those he loved most.  They will never be the same without him. When I saw Michelle at visitation, it truly broke my heart.  She was in so much pain. I felt so helpless to help her. I hugged her and let her cry.  I tried to speak words of comfort and encouragement. But what can I say to her at all right now...she has just lost her brother ---her rock----her best friend. How can anything I say make her feel better right now? She was the one who found her brother on Easter morning.  Her world has been changed forever.  Although every ounce of me wants to take away her pain, I know that I can't.  That she must continue on every day in this pain and this change to her life.  I can only be there for her and pray that each day she heals and each day she finds peace. Having a brother of my own, I can't in any way fathom how she must be feeling.  I can only try and understand.  I can be there for her as her friend and offer support and encouragement in the rough days, weeks and months ahead. Having lost many that I love, I know the pain doesn't ever fully go away.  I know that some days are better and life does indeed go on. Somehow we find the will and the strength to find a new normal...we find a way to laugh again and smile again and find happiness in things. But the pain is there, the loss is there.  We just learn to cope and each day gets easier.  

I hope Chelle knows how much Bubby loved her.  I hope she knows that his actions were no way reflective upon his feelings for her. I hope that she knows he knew how much she loved him.  No matter what ....he knew that and he loved her for being there for him and being his sister. I hope she knows that him leaving her was not him saying he didn't love her. I hope she too knows that she is loved by so many family and friends and especially by her hubby and her precious son.  Lastly, I hope she relys on God to help her find peace and comfort.  Without HIM you can't get through these tough times. He alone makes our burdens easier to bare.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit  

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 

 Matthew 11:25

 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

HE alone understands our pain and our grief. He gave us his son who was beaten and crucified so that we would have life after death....so that death would never again be final.  Through Christ we are given a beautiful gift. The gift of life.  The gift of knowing that no goodbye is ever the end but only a new beginning.  That we will see our loved ones again someday. 

John 11:25    Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, 

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 

 John 5:24 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.

 One day, Chelle and her Bubby will be reunited once again.  Until then he'll live on in her heart and in her memories.  He'll be her guardian angel always watching over her.  Now he is no longer troubled.  His demons no longer haunt him.  He can be at peace.  He is HOME with GOD where is is happy and at peace. 

 John Coyle should be remembered for what he was:  A person who loved his family and friends unconditionally.  A MASSIVE University of Louisville fan.  A lover of all things sneaker! From what I have seen, he had a room full of tennis shoes!  :-)  He was funny and caring and smart and strong.  He was a wonderful, kind person. He was not only a Hero to his friends and family but a hero to our country.  His death is tragic but his life was a blessing to those around him. 38 years is too young to leave this world but while he was here he lived life.  He served others.  He brought joy and happiness and safety to those around him. He left a legacy and so many wonderful memories.  I pray that his family can find comfort and peace in those things. 

 To Michelle, I know there isn't much I can say or do to ease your pain right now.  This was my way of trying to help you and I hope that I have done so and I hope I have brought a loving tribute to your brother. I would do anything to make your pain go away.  I am ALWAYS going to be here for you and for your family....no matter what or when ....I am always a phone call away!!  Hang in there as best you can.  Live your life for HIM who gave you life and live your life in honor of your wonderful Bubby. Always know that you are loved by many.  You have so much support!!!  I am thankful I can be your friend and be there for you.  Love you girl!

 R.I.P Bubby.  May you no longer be burdened.  May your suffering be over. May you now be with HE who alone can give you peace.  You are missed and loved.  Until we meet again...........

   

FINAL GOODBYE

 

A HERO TO MANY

BUBBY'S FINAL RESTING PLACE

FELLOW SOLDIERS AND FRIENDS

MAY HE REST IN PEACE

LOVED BY SO MANY...NEVER FORGOTTEN

FINAL KISS GOODBYE FROM HIS WIFE AND SISTER