MY ROLLERCOASTER

Often times, I have heard and even used the phrase of life being like a rollercoaster.  Life is full of twists, turns, uphills and downhills. Even expected surprises at some turns. 

That is how my life has been this week.   A rollercoaster.  Sadly, I don't mean that in a good way.

Over the past month, my family issues were being healed.  I was rebuilding the bond with my brother after a year of us not speaking.  I was getting to know my niece, nephew and step nephew once again. I was thrilled beyond words to have them all back in my life. I had missed them more than anything...ever! The void was gone.  I had my family back.

Also, several months ago I learned a dear friend of mine is expecting her first child.  She is not married. The father has decided he wants nothing to do with her or the baby.  He tried to get her to get an abortion or to consider adoption.  Thankfully she refused both suggestions.  She is going to do this on her own.  With my help. It's the least I can do for someone who has been a dear friend to me for my entire life. I know this road for her will be hard. I am currently trying to get her to tell her family which she has yet to do out of fear and rejection.

Now....let's get to Monday.

Early Monday morning I got up bright and early.  I was super excited!  It was ultrasound day for my friend.  The BIG secret of the sex of the baby was going to be discovered.  Seeing my friend's face as she finally got to see her baby on that screen was truly priceless.  She was in awe, as most of us new mothers are at that time. Having been to my fair share of ultrasounds, all of which were boys, I knew what I was looking for!  Even before the tech said what the baby was, I had noticed that there was no part of the male anatomy on that baby. SHE IS HAVING A GIRL!  That was her dream.  A baby girl. Skylar Rayne will be here around New Year's Day. When I looked at my friend, tears were running down her face!  It was so wonderful.  How could a soon to be, first time father, not care?  Not want ot share in this?  I just don't understand. How can you turn your back on a child you helped to create? How could the first words out of your mouth when you hear you have a baby on the way be to kill it or give it away?  I just don't understand.

Well, after the ultrasound, we thought we were leaving.  She didn't have an appointment until 2 weeks later to see the doctor.  However, they had her wait to see the doctor.  I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. But I didn't want to scare my friend so I said nothing. An hour and a half later the doctor comes in the room. We learned that the baby has a kidney issue that usually and most always fixes itself but if it does not, the baby will have to be delivered early and will have to undergo surgery.
*here is one of those unexpected loops I was talking about.

Luckily, the doctor was not too concerned and they are going to monitor and follow her closely and she how things go with baby girl. I am praying hard.  My friend is scared to death and she couldn't stop the tears of fear.  My heart broke for her. I have been there, I know how she was feeling.  Scared, helpless, alone.  I wish I could make her life better in so many ways.  I can't do that but what I CAN do is be there for her ALWAYS!  Whenever needed.  That I CAN and WILL do!

Fast forward a few hours until Monday afternoon.  My brother calls me on his way to work. I could tell instantly something was wrong.  He informs me that Amber is leaving and moving back to Corbin. This was something we all knew was coming at some point but still were not prepared.  My brother is loosing his family.  He is going form a truly hands-on dad to every other weekend. 

We all met up at my parent's house later that night. Everyone was hurting and tears were falling freely.  Except the the kids, who knew nothing and all 6 of them played in the yard as carefree as ever. Seeing that broke my heart.  No longer will that have the opportunity to grow up and play like this so freely. My dad was nowhere to be found. My brother was crying, thinking of how he won't get to coach the boys in sports anymore, he won't be there to tuck them in at night, see them off to school for the first time. He cried talking about how terrible it will be to come home from work the first time they are gone and his house be empty of their things, their voices, his babies.  He is extremely close to his stepson Jake who is only 5.  He knows he won't be able to see him much if at all.  Aaron is the only real father Jake has ever had.  His real dad hasn't been allowed visitation for over 3 months.  Jake always cried when he had to go to Corbin to see his real dad.  He ADORES my brother and my brother ADORES him. Aaron took him hunting and fishing, coached him in tball and took him to see NASCAR which Jake loves.  That little boy is going to be devastated. 

As we were all leaving Monday night, my dad appeared to say goodbye.  As my brother drove off, tears running down his face, my dad broke down.  Right there in the middle of the street, my daddy, my rock and the pillar of strength, fell apart.  The thought of his grandbabies moving 4 hours away, being taken from their home and from their daddy and family.....it's too much to think about. Those poor babies are going to suffer so badly.  They need their daddy and their daddy needs them.

I spent all of Monday night in tears.  I can't make sense of this.  It's all so unfair.  Amber is going to let Aaron have Kayleigh and Eli every other week but Jake will have to go to school in Corbin once they move so he won't be able to come.  How will that little boy EVER understand why he can't go to his "daddy's" house but his brother and sister can?  How will my brother ever be able to say goodbye the day they leave?  Everytime they leave? Why should he have to?  How is that fair to any of them but mostly the children.

Here is a man who WANTS to be a father ...full time, hands on daddy and he can't.  He cries himself to sleep everynight.  I want to comfort him but there are no words to make this better.  I can only hug him and cry right along with him. 

Today, Jake started school here in Shelbyville.  He was so excited and was so brave.  He has all the potential in the world.  My brother took him to school this morning.  His mom is in Corbin looking for a house to rent.  That little boy will be totally devastated when he learns he has to move from his home and his daddy and his new school.

Daddy's Girl

Too Little To Understand

Friends I ask that you pray from these precious babies and for my family.  It's going to be a long hard road with I am sure lots of ups, downs, twists and turns and unexpected situations too.  Only GOD can get us through this difficult time.