This past weekend was Joe's Yellow Ribbon event. It was scheduled to be a 3 day event, however, with the budget issues they had to make it a 4 hour event on Saturday morning. Lucky for us, they threw in a free night at the Galt House on Friday evening.
What is the Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program you ask?
About 100,000 Guard and Reserve members serve in combat and experience the stress of war. They return to communities and jobs scattered across the nation to friends and family who may not grasp the depth of their experience. The Defense Department's Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program ensures these service members and their families get the support and care they need. The National Guard Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program is a legislatively mandated program designed to provide information, services, referrals, and proactive outreach programs to Service Members and Families of the National Guard and Reserves throughout all phases of the deployment cycle . It’s not just about getting through deployment – it’s about reducing the stress of transitioning into and out of each deployment phase, supporting reintegration, and meeting the unique challenges that National Guard Service Members and Families face by connecting them with a local support community. Attending a Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program event can strengthen your Family for the changes that occur while your loved one is deployed and after they return.
So, Friday afternoon I packed and loaded up the boys and we headed to the BIG city of Louisville. We picked up Joe at work, took him for his high & tight haircut then we were Galt House bound. It was my first ever stay at the well-known hotel. I must say I was VERY impressed and could get EXTREMELY used to the STAR treatment! It's an amazing hotel! The boys were SUPER excited and SUPER hyper....of course excitement and hyperactivity seem to go hand in hand with these boys! We truly had a great night Friday night living like the city folk do! We explored the hotel, rode in the elevators (they literally would take your belly on the way down! As the boys said "THEY WENT SUPER FAST!!!", we got caramel lattes in the conservatory(naturally I would find a latte!), we "caught" fish or at least tried to, watched birds in the biggest bird cage I have ever seen, we explored the waterfront, jumped on the beds, played at the window in the curtains, ate junk food, stayed up super late, slept like rocks and woke up to barges on the river and a great view.
WALL FISHING...LOL
ROOM WITH A VIEW - PRICELESS
SATURDAY MORNING
We had a 4 hour program that was jam packed with information and guest speakers. Landon and Caden were happy to go to the kid's room and play the entire 4 hours, not a care where mom and dad were. Andrew on the other hand stayed with us. All 3 boys were good as gold! It was a great program and I learned SO MUCH about combat stress and how soldiers feel when they come home AND best ways to help them deal. A wonderful chaplain, Chaplain Bishop, spoke and I got so much from his testimony! He brought up a good point:
The typical response of a combat Veteran, when placed in a life-threatening situation, is to fight, flee or freeze. Those basic survival instincts are there to protect one's life. Most soldiers learn "Fight" the most. In order to fight there must be "anger". Hence the "anger" soldiers have upon returning from war. Also, the physiological response to stress includes the flow of blood being directed from the stomach to the upper limbs and brain. Adrenalin provides the fuel for action. In a combat situation, the extra (and sometimes super) capacity to act and think is needed to meet the challenge.
A problem occurs when the soldier returns home and reacts to daily stress in the same manner he or she reacted during combat.. FOR EXAMPLE: An unpaid bill arrives which increases stress. Suddenly, without warning a surge of blood rushes to the upper extremities and brain as adrenal fluid rushes into the system. A typical life event, which might easily be resolved with one phone call, becomes an all out battle with a family member or business employee. Later, the soldier is left with feelings of confusion and guilt, sondering why this emotional explosion occured. (Metaphorically, a flame thrower was used when a fly swatter would have done the job).
We learned through Chaplain Bishop, who was for years a combat soldier, how to handle moments when a sound, smell or visual image triggers a hyper response that would cause the soldier to dive for cover or take a combat stance. Soldiers shouldn't be hard on themselves during such events nor should they feel embarrassed for being confused or frightened. They should take charge of the situation with a brief statement like "I had an Iraqi (Afghanistan, Vietnam) moment". When these common combat stress responses happen, recognize it as a NORMAL experience for many returning combat soldiers. It takes time for them to train their mind and body to react to stress in a more productive way. With patience and understanding, the combat stress symptoms wills abate.
Chaplain Bishop stated that for soldiers they should face these situations with courage and honor. If the stress responses cause emotional or psychological harm to others (children included) they should make it right as soon as possible. Say, "I sincerely apologize for what I said and how I reacted. This is not my typical behavior. My body is reacting to stress as if I was still in combat. I hope to gain better control of my emotions. Will you please forgive me for the way I treated you?" Almost always, people will respond favorable to an honest and sincere admission of error. Even if the other party responds negatively, YOU can walk away with your integrity intact.
In many ways, marriage is like ballroom dancing. Have you ever thought about that? It's about balance and grace. Not stepping on one another's toes. If there is no balance you either cut the other out or you are too fused together. Basically, without balance you are neglecting yourself or you are neglecting your spouse. As a military spouse we need to focus on who we are and who are spouse is and not focus on fixing our spouse. By doing this we can support our spouse AND care for ourself while maintaining and enjoying our relationship.
In the military, each branch has a "buddy" system so to speak. For the Army (as with Joe) they have a "battle buddy"; the air force a "wing man" and so on and so on. As part of the program Saturday we were given a LIFE BATTLE BUDDY CONTRACT. We could use it as is or as a guide for developing our own contract. Sadly, life will never be "the way it was before", as in before Joe deployed. BUT we CAN find a NEW NORMAL for our family.The objective of the contract is to find a NEW normal that works and helps us both live a better life together, a more fulfilling life.
What an AMAZING concept. I am Joe's wife, his life partner who will always have his back with love and support, encouragement and strength. We battle through this life TOGETHER. We are, in fact, LIFE BATTLE BUDDIES. In much the same way his fellow soldiers are his combat battle buddies. You ARE NEVER alone...someone has your back AT ALL times!
HERE IS HOW THE "LIFE BATTLE BUDDY CONTRACT" READS FOR ME AND JOE:
I, KRYSTAL, CONTRACT TO BE YOUR LIFE BATTLE BUDDY.
I WILL HONOR YOU AND COVER YOUR BACK.
I AM YOUR WIFE, LOVER, FRIEND AND RESPONSIBLE PARENT TO OUR CHILDREN.
I WILL HELP YOU COME HOME FROM YOUR TOUR OF DUTY TO OUR LIFE TOGETHER AT HOME.
WE WILL WORK TO FIND A NEW NORMAL THAT FITS AND WORKS FOR US.
WE WILL FOCUS ON OUR LIFE TOGETHER, OUR DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE, AND ENJOY LIFE AS IT IS IN THE PRESENT. WE WILL DECIDE HOW TO GROW IN OUR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.
WHEN YOU LEAVE OUR HOME IN UNIFORM I WANT YOU TO BE THE KICK-ASS SOLDIER I KNOW THAT YOU ARE.
AS YOUR LIFE BATTLE BUDDY - I WATCH YOUR BACK - WHEN I KNOW YOU ARE NOT RIGHT - FOR THE LIFE MISSION - I WILL ALERT YOU BY ASKING IF YOU ARE HAVING AN IRAQI MOMENT AND I WILL LEAD YOU TO A PLACE YOU FEEL MORE SECURE.
WE WILL WORK TOGETHER TO DISCOVER WHAT CUES THAT ARE MAKING YOU ANXIOUS/ANGRY/SAD.
WE WILL WORK TOGETHER TO MANAGE ALL CUES AND TOGETHER ADJUST FOR A BETTER LIFE.
IF YOU ARE DANGEROUS TO YOURSELF, OUR FAMILY, OR OTHERS I WILL SEEK SAFETY FOR MYSELF AND FAMILY AND SUPPORT FOR YOU.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Joe:
I AM YOUR LIFE BATTLE BUDDY AND I WILL HONOR AND RESPECT YOU.
NOW THAT I HAVE COME HOME, I WILL STRIVE TO ADAPT AND OVERCOME; TO REACH A NEW NORMAL AND BETTER LIFE TOGETHER.
WHEN I CROSS THE THRESHOLD OF OUR HOME, I WILL BE YOUR HUSBAND, LOVER, FRIEND AND RESPONSIBLE PARENT FOR OUR SONS:
** YOU ARE NOT IN THE ARMY.
** OUR SONS ARE NOT MY SOLDIERS
WHEN I LEAVE OUR HOME IN UNIFORM, I WILL BE THE KICK-ASS SOLDIER YOU KNOW I AM.
I WILL WORK TO FIND A NEW NORMAL THAT FITS AND AND WORKS FOR US.
I WILL FOCUS ON OUR LIFE TOGETHER, OUR DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE, AND ENJOY LIFE AS IT IS IN THE PRESENT. WE WILL DECIDE HOW TO GROW IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.
YOU ARE MY LIFE BATTLE BUDDY - WHO WATCHES MY BACK - WHEN I AM NOT RIGHT - FOR THE LIFE MISSION - YOU WILL ALERT ME THAT I AM IN BATTLE MODE AND I NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR LEAD AND I WILL FOLLOW.
YOU CAN ASK IF I AM HAVING AN IRAQI MOMENT - I WILL FOLLOW YOUR LEAD TO A SECURE PLACE.
WE WILL DISCUSS WHAT SIGNAL PUT ME IN BATTLE MODE AND WE WILL WORK TOGETHER TO DISCOVER WHAT CUES THAT ARE MAKING ME ANXIOUS/ANGRY/SAD.
WE WILL WORK TOGETHER TO MANAGE SUCH CUES AND I WILL WORK TO ADJUST FOR A BETTER LIFE WITH YOU AND OUR SONS.
IF I AM DANGEROUS TO YOU, OUR FAMILY MYSELF OR OTHERS, YOU WILL SEEK SAFETY FOR YOURSELF, OUR FAMILY AND ME.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are you and your spouse life battle buddies? How can you make this contract fit for your marriage?
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUCEMENT
The issues I discussed in this blog post are concerning COMBAT STRESS SYNDROME...NOT PTSD!
A few WARNING SIGNS that it's more than Combat Stress and HELP IS NEEDED:
* Excessive Alcohol use.
* Drug Use (Including excessive use of RX pain pills and sleep aids)
* Unsafe and promiscuous sexual activities
* Excessive Gambling
* Excessive isolation from family and friends
* Excessive escapist activities (war video games)
* Risk taking behaviors (Driving - need I say more?)
* Uncontrolled anger (black outs - no memory of the activity - SEEK HELP NOW!)
* Suicidal and homicidal thoughts (SEEK HELP NOW!)
* Family and children are afraid (SEEK SAFETY AND HELP IMMEDIATELY)
No comments:
Post a Comment