Dearest Landon & Andrew:
I sit here this morning reflecting, full of nostalgia. Today you are 5 years old! I can hardly figure out where the time has gone. It seems like only yesterday I was pregnant with you then spending countless hours with you while you were in the NICU. Spending day after day with you the last five years is one of the things I am MOST thankful for! How wonderful I haven't had to miss a second of your lives! Thank you to your daddy for that! He has sacrified so much for me to be able to stay home with our babies!
I was so amazed by the both of you. I still am actually. You were so tiny when you were born. So fragile. But you were strong. You were fighters. Mommy was and continues to be so proud of you both! You are my miracles. I could not have imagined how wonderfully you would change my life. Seeing life through your eyes is truly living.
We have been through so very much. You both fought so hard to be here. You overcame all the obstacles when so many said you would not. Mommy knew you would though. I believed in you. That will never change....mommy will always believe in you. Daddy too. We never gave up hope for you and we will never ever give up on you in the future either. We've survived prematurity, 2 months in the NICU, colic, reflux, failure to thrive, occupational and speech therapy, Daddy going to Iraq and oh so much more. You boys give me courage and strength. You make me strive to be a better person and the best mommy to you I can possibly be. I never want to let either of you down.
I am in awe of how unique you are. How you like your own things and how even though you are twins, you are individuals. Most people forget that fact. You have your own likes and dislikes. Your own ideas and personalities. I just can't put into words how very much I love you both.
I know you can't read this right now and at this point in your life you can't even comprehend all I want to say to you both. But I've been thinking alot about the life that you have ahead of you, about my life so far as I reflect on things I have learned and experienced, and also about my role as your mommy in trying to prepare you for the trials you will face in the coming years.
You won’t be able to understand this letter today, but someday, when you’re ready, I hope you will find some wisdom and value in what I share with you. I hope that you know I am ALWAYS going to be here for you. I may not have all of the right answers but I am ALWAYS going to be here.
You are young, and life has yet to take its toll on you, to throw disappointments and heartaches and loneliness and struggles and pain into your path. You have not been worn down yet by long hours of thankless work, by the slings and arrows of everyday life.
For this, be thankful. You are at a wonderful stage of life. Life for you is simple and innocent and full of fun and adventures! You have many wonderful stages of life still to come, but they are not without their costs and perils.
I hope to help you along your path by sharing some of the best of what I’ve learned. As with any advice, take it with a grain of salt. What works for me might not work for you. I know that many times you both will have to find your own paths in life. You'll face your own unique experiences. I'll always be here. Daddy will always be here. So many people love you and will be here for you, NaNa, PawPaw, Uncle Bubby....you have a family who loves you dearly. Granny and Grandad, Aunt TeTe. You are loved so very much!
Life can be cruel at times.
There will be people in your life who won’t be very nice. They’ll tease you because you’re different, or for no good reason. They might try to bully you or hurt you.
There’s not much you can do about these people except to learn to deal with them, and learn to choose friends who are kind to you, who actually care about you, who make you feel good about yourself. When you find friends like this, hold on to them, treasure them, spend time with them, be kind to them, love them. TRUE friends are such a wonderful treasure!
There will be times when you are met with disappointment instead of success. Life won’t always turn out the way you want. This is just another thing you’ll have to learn to deal with. But instead of letting these things get you down, push on. Accept disappointment and learn to persevere, to pursue your dreams despite pitfalls. Learn to turn negatives into positives, and you’ll do much better in life. Continue to fight as you have always done. Never just settle! You DESERVE to have your dreams come true so FIGHT for them! Don't let anyone tell you that you CAN'T! Both of you CAN do anything you set your mind too!
You will also face heartbreak and abandonment by those you love. I hope you don’t have to face this too much, but it happens. Again, not much you can do but to heal, and to move on with your life. Let these pains become stepping stones to better things in life, and learn to use them to make you stronger. Mommy has had to face this many times. Sadly it's a part of life. I will be here for you during your heartbreaks and abandonment. I will NEVER leave your side. Someday I will tell you about mine and I hope they will help you see that heartbreak hurts but there is always another day. The pains heal. You can and do move on. You become so much stronger in the long run. It's during these times you realize just how strong you really are!
ALWAYS be there for each other! FAMILY is EVERYTHING! You have a special bond with one another. NEVER let anyone or anything interfere with that. Be strong and supportive of each other no matter what. It's ok to be mad at one another but learn to work out your differences quickly and be open and understanding. Be forgiving. Be each other's best friends. Never stop loving each other. This goes with your relationship with Caden too. You are brothers. Brothers should always stick together. Always watch out for each other. Always love each other. Be THANKFUL you have each other!
ALWAYS know that GOD has your back! Remember how much HE loves you and that he is ALWAYS there for you. Keep him in your heart and never loose your faith! Walk your path the way he would be proud of and in the ways HE has taught us.
Be Open to Life Anyway
Yes, you’ll find cruelty and suffering in your journeys through life, but don’t let that close you to new things. Don’t retreat from life, don’t hide or wall yourself off. Be open to new things, new experiences, new people. LIFE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST!
You might get your heart broken 10 times, but find the most wonderful woman the 11th time. If you shut yourself off from love, you’ll miss out on that woman, and the happiest times of your life. NEVER EVER give up on love! If you LOVE someone, fight for them! Don't just give up when things get tough. Let that give you cause to fight harder. If you TRULY love them, don't give up! True love is an amazing gift. I am happy to say that your daddy and I have this kind of love. It's so rare these days but it does exist. When you find it, never let it go! If you give all of yourself and you fight and still it does not work, don't blame yourself. You tried as hard as you could. You gave it your all. That is all you can do. Some things just aren't meant to be no matter how hard you wish them.
You might get teased and bullied and hurt by people you meet, and then after meeting dozens of jerks, find a true friend. If you close yourself off to new people, and don’t open your heart to them, you’ll avoid pain, but also lose out on meeting some incredible people. People who will be there during the toughest times of your life and create some of the best times of your life. Give people a chance.
You will fail many times but if you allow that to stop you from trying, you will miss out on the amazing feeling of success once you reach new heights with your accomplishments. Failure is a stepping stone to success. Don't be defeated by failure. You are fighters! I know you can and you WILL accomplish your goals and I have no doubts about how successful you both will be!
LIFE ISN'T A COMPETITION!
You will meet many people who will try to outdo you, in school, in college, at work. They’ll try to have nicer cars, bigger houses, nicer clothes, cooler gadgets. To them, life is a competition — they have to do better than their peers to be happy. They have to have material things to be happy.
Here’s a secret: life isn’t a competition. It’s a journey. If you spend that journey always trying to impress others, to outdo others, you’re wasting your journey. Instead, learn to enjoy the journey. Make it a journey of happiness, of constant learning, of continual improvement, of love. Make it a journey following the path GOD has laid out for you. The path that will lead you to love and happiness and eternal life. THAT is what is most important! Living your life faithfully and following GOD and making HIM a part of all that you do! Do do that and you will lead a happy, content life! I promise you that!
Don’t worry about having a nicer car or house or anything material, or even a better-paying job. None of that matters a whit, and none of it will make you happier in the long run. You’ll acquire these things and then only want more. Instead, learn to be satisfied with having enough. And then use the time you would have wasted trying to earn money to buy those things … use that time doing things you love. Use that time to spend with your friends and family. Use that time to keep your relationship strong with Christ. Use that time to ENJOY YOUR LIFE!
Find your passion, and pursue it doggedly. Don’t settle for a job that pays the bills. Life is too short to waste on a job you hate. DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO! Daddy and I will NEVER be disappointed in either of you! We BOTH want you to be happy and to do what you love! If you want to be a garbage man and it's your passion (ok not a great example but you get my point!)...we'd be happy for you! JUST DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO! Don't settle and look back later with regrets!
Love Should Be Your Rule!
If there’s a single word you should live your life by, it should be this: Love. It might sound corny, I know … but trust me, there’s no better rule in life. GOD taught us that as well:
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
The GREATEST gift you can give someone is to LOVE them, unconditionally and without expectation. Always remember that.
Some would live by the rule of success. Their lives will be stressful, unhappy and shallow.
Success for some is well lived but for most, it becomes their demon. Makes them stray from GOD and their beliefs and morals. What good is success if you don't life your life the way HE wants?
Others would live by the rule of selfishness — putting their needs above those of others. They will live lonely lives, and will also be unhappy. Please try and think of others before yourself. Treat other with kindness and compassion. Don't be cruel to those who are different. Learn to accept them for who THEY are. Don't judge someone, get to know them! What you find may actually surprise you!
Still others will live by the rule of righteousness — trying to show the right path, and admonishing anyone who doesn’t live by that path. They are concerned with others, but in a negative way, and in the end will only have their own righteousness to live with, and that’s a horrible companion. GOD doesn't want us to look down on others. HE wants to guide them to him in a loving way.
Live your life by the rule of love. Love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, with all of your heart. Give to them what they need, and show them not cruelty nor disapproval nor coldness nor disappointment, but only love. Open your soul to them. Just as GOD opened his soul to us by forgiving us of our sins and bringing his own son to the cross to die for us!
Love not only your loved ones, but your neighbors … your coworkers … strangers … your brothers and sisters in humanity. Offer anyone you meet a smile, a kind word, a kind gesture, a helping hand.
GOD taught us in HIS commandments "Love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31.
Love not only neighbors and strangers … but your enemy. The person who is cruelest to you, who has been unkind to you … love them. He is a tortured soul, and most in need of your love. Luke 6:35 says "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked"
And most of all, LOVE YOURSELVES. While others may criticize you, learn not to be so hard on yourself. NEVER think that you’re ugly or dumb or unworthy of love. Think instead that you are a wonderful human being, worthy of happiness and love. Learn to love yourself for who you are. You both are amazing little boys and I have no doubt you will be amazing young men. Always see yourself in a positive way. You ARE worthy! You ARE wonderful! You ARE loved!
Finally, know that I love you and always will. You are starting out on a weird, scary, daunting, but ultimately incredibly wonderful journey, and I will be there for you when I can in any way that I can. If the last 5 years are any clue, you can overcome ANY challenge! I look forward to seeing where GOD's path will take you. I look forward to experiencing your ups and downs with you. I love you both so very VERY much! I am here for you always. Mommy and daddy will NEVER judge you. You can talk to me about ANYTHING. I PROMISE to you that I will remain open minded and non judgemental. I will do my best to help guide you and and prepare you for all life will bring your way.
Know that no matter what I am proud of you! I am blessed and honored to be your mommy. You boys and Caden and daddy....you are my world. I am not complete without all of you. I want to thank you for all the joy, happiness and love you give me each and every day. Your smiles light up my world! I love you dearly. You are my special boys, my miracles. Watching you grow has been a pleasure. I just wish I could slow it down!
Godspeed my dear sons.
I love you with all I have.
Mommy
THE PAST FIVE YEARS.........
"There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between a mother and a son"
